Matthew Moran

I suppose this could be titled, why I write.  I had a book published a couple years back and have had numerous articles, essays, and poems published through the years as well.  I even had a childrens book deal ' briefly ' but the publisher actually did "kill my baby" ' gutting the essence until it was a dried out husk.

Maybe Ill write about the publishing industry and why I believe it is the least creative business for a creative endeavor.  But I digress'

I was recently reading MandyThompsons blog ' where she posted a rhetorical question, "Can I Be A Songwriter?"  I say rhetorical because she is, in fact, a songwriter.  I can say this with confidence because she has exposed herself.

I know, can you believe it?  What kind of women do they allow to be church worship leaders?

Okay, get it together, she exposed herself as a songwriter because she wrote songs'

When I wrote about being a writer (read: Writer-Defined), I mentioned that to be the thing (the noun), you must do the things/perform the actions (the verb) that the thing (songwriter, writer, dancer, business owner, etc.) does.  You see, the noun is wrapped up in the verb. 

The same is true for songwriting.

I started writing songs because I loved the freedom of expression it offered.  I loved that Jonathan Edwards allowed me, as a 7 or 8 year old kid, to say the word damned ("if he cant even run his own life Ill be damned if hell run mine") without getting in trouble.

"I was just singing mom."

It became a way for me to explore sides of myself I would never otherwise allow out or to express emotions or life I had never really experienced.  It allows me to process events that occur and explore both the light and dark of those experiences.

This morning I woke at 2AM ' which is interesting as that is the title of the song I performed in church a few weeks back ' with the Worship Team.  For all my years of playing and writing, that was actually the first time I had played in church.

I woke up, as I describe it ' anxious and angry.  That anger is directed at some things I cannot control but are causing me to have to "wait" and at those things I had control over that I let slip out of control.  Anxiety in much the same way.

I have made great strides in using some of the tools available to me as a songwriter/performer to book and promote my performances and music ' but feel as though there is a huge gap to still overcome.  Patience and allowing things to pan out with the somewhat natural ' albeit pokey ' ebb and flow that life sometimes follows, are not my areas of strength.

When I wrote 2AM ' I remember feeling alone with my thoughts.  Alone with my feelings of inferiority or feelings of failure.  However, later, when I mentioned this to someone, they indicated that they felt that way too ' more often then they cared to admit.  Several others expressed similar 2AM moments'

It explains the line in my song..

"And I know youre the same as me' at 2AM"

Which is really why I write songs'. because, while I may be egotistical enough to believe that I am the only person experiencing something, the fact is, when I write a song that connects with me I invariably find others who connect with it ' and hence connect with me.

Songwriting connects me to my life, to my emotions, to the world, to you!