Sanctus Real

Every night on this tour Matt shares the story of writing, “Lead Me” (If you haven’t heard his story, you can watch a video on our website here). Before we begin playing, Matt speaks the lines of the bridge. It’s a prayer from a husband/father to God:

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I’m called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won’t You lead me?

When the bridge comes around in the song, Matt calls for all the men in the audience to raise their hands and make this prayer their own. It’s a very powerful and emotional part of the evening, for the audience and for us.

During concerts, I don’t often focus in on the crowd. I look out a little bit, but my attention generally remains on stage…locking in rhythms with Mark, watching Chris for cues, not tripping over my cables, ensuring my hand is in the right place on the neck of my bass guitar (You might not always hear the bass player…until he hits a wrong note…then it’s a rumbling train wreck!).

However two weeks ago, I was drawn to watch the audience during “Lead Me.” I was drawn to two different couples in particular. The first was younger, probably mid-late twenties, and both the guy and girl were very receptive. At times they looked to one another. At others they closed teary eyes and lifted their hands. We later discovered that just months earlier, they were married in that very church. What a great story, I thought.

The other couple was a little older, maybe early fifties. And this is all assumption, but they struck me as financially well off. They were attractive people and wore nice clothes. They were well kempt. Again, I make these judgments solely on seeing them from 30 feet away. I don’t truly know anything about them.

What else I interpreted though was a small tragedy. The wife was singing and a hand was raised. There may or may not have been tears, I don’t remember, but the song seemed to resonate deeply with something she longed for and was missing. Then I looked towards the husband. His arms were crossed. He stared straight ahead as if his mind was in another world. At times he looked to be singing along, but the more I watched, the more I realized it was just a nervous tick with his mouth. What was going on in his mind, I wondered? Where was he right then?

I felt so much anxiety watching this couple. Why did he just stare straight ahead? Why wouldn’t he just glance a few inches to his right and see what he was missing? He must’ve known something was going on next to him, right?

Humility and a slight twist of the neck could have changed the rest of their lives together, but it never happened. The song finished and that was that. And no more nervous tick.

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Before we begin playing “Lead Me,” Matt addresses this exact scenario because it happens every single night. He sings a song for husbands, yet by and large, it is the wives and children in the audience who respond. Not the men. So many small, yet extremely significant, tragedies litter a room where there could be so many miracles and salvations.

Men:

What in this world is more valuable than your family?

What is there to love more than them? Money? A job? Recreation? These are lonely and sad answers. God? Yes. We should love and serve God first and foremost. But how can we love and serve Him if we disobey his commands?

“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:36-40 (NIV © 2010)

How do we love God if we don’t love the people we commit our lives to? When does loving God ever mean neglecting family?

I say all this, and yet I don’t exactly have the right. I’m divorced (If you’d like to know more about this, you can read about it here). I clearly failed at this song, and I feel like a hypocrite to pose these questions. All I can do is ask your forgiveness for being a hypocrite…but I cannot apologize for asking the questions. They’re valid. If I’ve learned anything from going through divorce, I’ve learned that it is death. It is the death of something that was never meant to die. It could very well be the most death you can feel while living.

So men, don’t dabble with this. Love your family. Learn to flourish at it. If you don’t, I believe your life is terribly incomplete. I believe you’re missing one of the greatest points of your life. To love God with all your heart, soul, and mind is to love your family this way.

An additional note to anyone who is divorced…for any reason. I’m terribly sorry. No one wins. It’s likely hard to listen to songs like “Lead Me” (it’s certainly hard to play them). I don’t know, maybe you feel like the message is not for you. Maybe it recalls hard and heavy memories. However this song hits you (and anything like it you might watch, read, or hear), remember that the heart of the Gospel is forgiveness. It is redemption. It’s freedom. Divorce will probably always feel like a black scar, but it doesn’t have to be a scarlet letter. The life of Jesus is the great victory for us all.

Have any thoughts?

dan